To do or not do 1
I'm feeling unsure and weirdly scared while thinking of what to write. It's not like somebody is going to hunt me down, if I write what I'm feeling and thinking of. But it's hard to just put it down on this keyboard. I immediately downplay what I think are problems. So I don't have to put them down on this keyboard and read and see what I'm thinking.
I don't know who I am. Different forces are pulling me somewhere inside my head. And I don't even know where. Like I try to keep everyone around me happy, but sort of just forgetting myself. Just because I don't want important people to be sad because of me, or so I think. I get this awful feeling when I think of denying someone something they want, just because I want something different. It feels like I should just put myself aside, for their happiness.
But this makes me quite literally put myself aside. Unless I'm alone, then I'm able to do what I want to do. But currently I'm not even to do what I want, when I'm alone. The feeling that I need to do something for someone to keep them happy.
But most importantly, I don't know how to change. I'm scared that changing to act like myself, makes everyone I care about leave. Because alot of people know me the way I am described above. I guess it's somewhat interesting.
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