An uncertain future and an uncertain way of handling it
I'm again standing on a balcony in a country far far away from my home town. But it's such a cool experience. What isn't cool is the future ahead of me.
I know, peak writing. But this isn't a blog: it's an outlet for my emotions.
Well with that out of the way, let's get on to the big question. My future? What's wrong with it? I honestly don't know. I'm scared. I don't have the feeling of genuine connection. I simply don't care anymore, but I do. I am not myself.
Who even am I anymore. What my values are, if I'm happy or what even makes me happy. Craving connection, but too scared to reach out or say what I want. I don't even know what connection is anymore. And I'm just creating for myself right now, because I'm too scared to speak up. To change.
Too scared to hurt people, because I know they shouldn't be hurt. They need all the love they deserve. They have been hurt in the past, but I'm not correct for them. I'm not right for her, but she thinks I am. I fuck up, she gets mad. She forgets.
T